Unless you look for birds-and-the-bees-level info, sex can already be a hard topic to get quality, straightforward advice about. Trying to learn about oral sex can be especially challenging. "It doesn't get enough lip service – pun kind of intended," says Shanna Katz, sexologist, sex educator, and author of Oral Sex That'll Blow Her Mind: An Illustrated Guide to Giving Her Amazing Orgasms.
Everyone wants great sex to come naturally but putting in some extra effort can make all the difference. "It's awesome for guys to say, this is going to be part of my sexual repertoire," says Katz. "It makes you look like you're interested in your partner's pleasure, which is something that makes you a great partner." Here are her top tips for giving the best oral.
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Pace Yourself
Since good oral sex often takes a while, don't give it everything you've got right away. "I think people put a lot of energy in up front, when you're kind of trying to warm up everything," says Katz, "and then by the time they're moving toward the finale, they're exhausted or their neck is cramped." For the satisfaction of both you and your partner consider starting off in a comfortable position — maybe she has pillows under back and butt, maybe you're off the side of the bed, sitting in chair — and then you can move to her preferred position near the end.
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Remember the Rest of the Body
It may be called oral sex but most of the time, it's better when it involves other parts of the body. "We tend to focus so much on one area, everybody should open their viewpoint," says Katz. Some possible additions she suggests include light hair pulling, nipple massage, and gentle scratching along your partner's torso.
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Move Past the ABCs.
The old trick of writing the ABCs with your tongue to ferret out what your partner likes is a nice, but problematic, idea. "If you're going through the alphabet and you're trying to figure out what someone likes, by the time you hit 'B' and they're like, I like 'A,' you might not remember [how you did it]," says Katz. Instead, she recommends spelling out words that repeat certain letters and being sure to remember if you're using capitalization and block or script letters. Another technique is envisioning her vulva as the face of a clock and keeping track of what times are her favorites.
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Refine Your Technique
There are a lot of different ways to perform oral sex — like licking, sucking, nibbling, kissing, and even biting — and people don't always realize how each of these feels. For example, Katz says people should know that a flat tongue feels very different than a pointed one: flat covers more area and pointed is more intense (and, therefore, probably better later on). The more you understand how the different techniques feel to your partner, the better off you'll be at knowing when to do what.
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Women Tend to Like When It Builds
This is a broad generalization but women usually like oral sex to build in intensity, whereas men often enjoy high-sensation from the get-go. People have a habit of touching each other the way they like to be touched. Keep that in mind and try not to focus too much on what you think is best; consult her instead.
Pace Yourself
Remember the Rest of the Body
Refine Your Technique
Women Tend to Like When It Builds
