Actually, the first five, 10, possibly 20 times, it feels like you have a finger in your ass. But at a certain point, if everything goes right, it'll feel like you have a finger in your ass accompanied by a spontaneous enhanced. It's hard to know, because everybody's different, and that includes each butthole-fingerer's individual skill. "So many women have bad first-time experiences and never want to do it again. Some guy shoved it in without preparing for the action," explains sexpert Dr. Emily Morse.
If you're dating a sexually ass-centric person, rather than a breast or leg or foot or right earlobe person, they'll probably want to give you many #ButtholePleasures. A good way to tell if you're dating someone ass-centric is if they request belfies, always want to have sex doggy-style, or try repeatedly to touch your asshole. You should never, ever do something you vehemently don't want to do just because your partner wants to, and if you're not ready for full-on anal sex, tell them.
But (BUTT! Ugh, sorry), if you want to experiment in that general area, here are some things to know about Base Camp 1, which consists of the stepping stones to anal sex: Fingers (anal fingering) and tongue (rimming, salad tossing, analingus).
1. It shouldn't hurt. This is where lube comes in. It should basically just feel like you might need to poop. You don't! (I hope you don't.) "Relax your muscles, and breathe," advises Dr. Emily. "Use a lot of water-based lubricant."
2. Start small. The whole point of anal play is to keep it simple before working your way up. "To prepare a bottom for sex play, start with fingers, tongue, or a very small sex toy designed for butt play," says clinical sexologoist Dr. Nancy Sutton Pierce. "An option is to purchase a Butt Plug Kit that uses several plugs, of graduating sizes, just for this training."
3. The person doing it should err on the shallow side. Everything that goes in should be "just the tip." The nerve endings you're trying to stimulate are in the anus — hence the moniker "rimming" — and not all the way up there, which is generally the painful part and also the part that makes you feel like you need to take a huge dump. Imagine it like a basketball hoop, and the ball should just be rolling around the rim of the basket, not actually making the basket. Does that help? I know nothing about basketball.
4. There shouldn't be any rapid-fire movement immediately. Vigorous jamming of fingers anywhere should not happen immediately. "So much of sex is fast — especially in porn — but anal play has to be prepped," says Morse.
5. Communication is key. The only way to know what works and what doesn't is to be totally honest with you partner about what they're doing. Dr. Pierce stresses the importance of always being tuned in to how the other is feeling and being vocal about your preferences.
6. It's not dirty. As clinical sexologist Dr. Kat Van Kirk says, the anus and the lower part of the rectum actually have very little fecal material in them, which means it tends to not be nearly as dirty as you think.